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The Beards

The Beards
The Beards

Beard Nation

The Beards return to WA this week, kicking off on Wednesday, May 28, at the Pier Hotel, Esperance; Thursday, May 29, at the White Star, Albany; Friday, May 30, at Settler’s Tavern, Margaret River; Saturday, May 31, at the Prince Of Wales, Bunbury, and Sunday, June 1, at the Astor Theatre. Vocalist and Minister for Beards and Beard Services, Johann Beardraven, lends his thoughts.

Mr Beardraven, what are your hopes for beards and bearded Australians in light of the Federal Budget?

It is a good time for beards at the moment. Lots of people have beards and that makes me feel really good. We must allocate money for people who have beards, particularly those whose beard is preventing them from getting a job. They should have access to beard funds, subsidised beard combs and beard shampoos. It’s about time our clean-shaven government did something for the bearded man.

Following Austria’s bearded lady Conchita Wurst’s win at Eurovision, Russian leader Vladimir Putin declared it the “end of Europe.” Could this beard cause a war?

We were thrilled when we heard about Conchita. When we released our latest single, All The Bearded Ladies, we hoped to inspire people worldwide so we’re very proud to have obviously influenced that result. Regarding that clown Putin’s comments, he has problems with a lot of things but he doesn’t have a beard so I don’t give him any thought.

We’re against beard hate … any kind of hate. We don’t care which way you swing as long as you have a beard. As a sign of protest from the Minister for Beards I shall make a personal visit to the Kremlin, bring another bearded man and hold his hand as we walk in.

And what do you have to say to the hateful Open Letter to Bearded Hipsters by Nicki Daniels?

As long as you have a beard, that’s number one. There’s no bad reason to grow a beard. The hipster beard, the big bushy beard, the lazy beard, they’re all beards. What we don’t want is for the trend to end.

DANIKA NAYNA/BMA