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SEDITIOUS SOLILOQUIES Rebooting the country

What if the only way to save Australian democracy was to temporarily disable it? That’s the question comedian Corey White asks in his new FRINGE show Seditious Soliloquies, playing at The Shoe Bar & Cafe in Yagan Square on February 1, 2, 8 and 9 at 10:30 pm. Corey talks to SCOTT AITKEN about why democracy needs a reboot, taking the Australian cricket team hostage, and being a pessimist of the mind but an optimist of the heart.

What are the main reasons you think democracy needs a reboot? 

There are many reasons, but in my view, we are in a state of policy paralysis. Vested interests have hijacked both major parties and sensible reforms have become impossible; whether it be tax reform, energy policy or whatever. The Americanisation of our culture and politics is going to turn the lucky country into Weimar, Germany. But it would be cool if Holden started making Panzers. 

And if that did happen how would you go about it?

I don’t comment on operational matters. However, I would consider taking the Australian Cricket team hostage and executing David Warner with a cricket bat live on Instagram, just to prove that I’m serious. 

Some computers are so old you can’t even install a new operating system, are you worried it’s a lost cause?

Yes, I am. I am a pessimist of the mind but an optimist of the heart. Part of me wonders if I should spend my time as a modern Henry David Thoreau, prepping for Children of Men style chaos. But I’m not Clive Owen, so I will need guns. And my attitude towards guns is like my attitude towards dildos; I don’t want one in my house, because I know I can’t be trusted not to use it on myself. It would be fun to threaten elites with though. 

Which political characters do you think provide the best subject for comedy material and why?

White male conservatives and champagne socialists, because of their capacity for hypocrisy and self-delusion. 

What do you want people to get out of the show? Motivate them to do something about the state of the country, or more just share in your bewilderment and frustration?

I am not a motivational speaker. I can’t even motivate myself. Having said that, I would be stoked if someone saw my show and decided to be the Chopper Read this country so desperately needs. Chopper QC, Counsel assisting the Royal Commission. Kneecapping bank executives and venal politicians. It’s my own concept of general deterrence. 

What do you think of our current PM Scott Morrison? If you could turn him on and off again what features do you think the improved version would have?

The Honourable Member for Cronulla, our Sub-Prime Minister is a true blue troglodyte beyond redemption. The improved version would shoot blanks and have black lung disease.  


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